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HIDDEN MONSTER
I thought I’d met man of my dreams on a dating app before he raped and stalked me – then I discovered his sickening past
WHEN the man Elaine Parker had met on a dating app was arrested for raping and stalking her, she assumed he'd never get back on the hook-up site.
But she claims that he returned to Plenty of Fish to trawl for more women to abuse.
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Elaine, 42, from Newcastle, realised that her attacker had repeatedly got on to Britain's third most popular dating app - even though he had a string of previous convictions.
Mum-of-one Elaine tells The Sun: "The first time I called the police on him a whole load of them turned up, which I thought was very strange, but it turned out he had a long history of domestic abuse.
"His ex-wife and children had to live in a safe house."
Sadly, Elaine is far from alone.
Online dating is increasingly becoming a hotbed for sexual assault - with offenders able to create profiles unchallenged on sites such as Tinder and Plenty of Fish.
Sexual assaults linked to dating apps have doubled in the last four years according to BBC Three documentary Dating’s Dangerous Secrets.
Men and women go on to these apps hoping to find romance, but too often find trouble.
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'It was like flicking a switch - he was a different person'
Elaine, like many others, was unaware that there were no checks on the identities of the profiles she was checking out.
After her friends found success through dating apps, she decided to try out Plenty of Fish in 2016 and matched with her future fiance.
She recalls: “I met this guy online and we just clicked on our first date. The conversation was great, we just sparked.
“We had the second date the day after. And it moved on quite quickly. We were engaged after eight months. That was a whirlwind for me.
“When I look back on it, it’s crazy how caught up I got in all this.
“At the engagement party people were saying what a gentleman he was, but in the taxi home he just changed.
“It was like hitting a switch, Jekyll and Hyde. He became angry, abusive, shouting at me and my son, smashed up the house when we got home.
“From that night it just went from bad to worse.”
It was like hitting a switch, Jekyll and Hyde. He became angry and abusive
Elaine Parker
Over the coming months, her partner's abusive behaviour escalated.
He began drinking more and, horrifically, sexually assaulting and raping Elaine.
She says: "He turned into a monster. When I finally managed to get him out of the house, the stalking started and I had to call the police."
The man was jailed for nine years for rape, sexual assault and attempted rape.
But before the sentencing, Elaine claims she even saw him back on Plenty of Fish again.
She says: "Even after being arrested for rape and stalking me he was able to sign back into the same dating app and start trawling for other victims."
'My Tinder account was deleted after reporting rape'
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In the UK five million people have a profile on Tinder, making it by far the nation’s most popular way for people to hook up.
Yet of all the sexual assaults reported in the UK linked to dating apps, a third were from Tinder profiles.
Women told the BBC that the tech giant has failed to take action to prevent their horrifying experiences being repeated.
One victim claimed she was blocked by Tinder after reporting a date for rape.
Bex, from East Anglia, says: "Everything was fine to begin with and then he was actually hurting me. And I told him to stop, I said no.
“I even tried to kind of push him off me and he just wouldn't stop. He just kept carrying on."
After reporting the sexual attack to Tinder, Bex had her account deleted.
She says: “For some reason I was the one who got taken off."
Nine months later Tinder sent an automatic message to Bex, offering links to other sites which could provide support.
She adds: “I think that they have a duty to protect people.”
Brute stabbed date 33 times after faking profile
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Anthony Lowe, from Coventry, who had 142 previous offences including domestic violence, was able to hide his criminal record when he signed up on the Plenty of Fish app.
Lowe lied about his age and gave the fake name of Tony Moore.
It led to unsuspecting 26-year-old Katherine Smith being stabbed 33 times until she bled to death in 2017.
Her mum Debbie Smith, from Cardiff, tells the documentary how after the brutal attack, Lowe sickeningly texted her to confess to slaughtering her daughter.
Debbie says: "I had a text message off him saying, 'I'm so sorry I've murdered Katherine make sure the police go in first'. It has torn the family apart."
Lowe pleaded guilty to murder at Cardiff Crown Court last and was jailed for a minimum of 18 years.
Debbie says: "I want checks done. If checks aren't done, anyone could go on it. He wouldn't have been able to go on it."
83% of app assaults are on women
Between 2017 and July 2021 six thousand people reported offences linked to apps in Britain.
The National Crime Agency’s latest figures reveal that 83 percent of victims are women.
A BBC survey showed that 63 percent of dating app users had felt “uncomfortable on a date” and a third had experienced “either harassment or abuse.”
Under the terms and conditions of dating apps, registered sex offenders are not allowed to sign up.
But the Lowe case shows that dangerous men can easily get around these rules.
The Match Group, which owns Plenty of Fish and Tinder, told The Sun: "We’ve invested in numerous industry-first technologies, including harassment-preventing AI tools, background check technology, ID verification for profiles, and a portal that helps us better communicate with law enforcement investigating crimes."
In the documentary they claim attempts to introduce background checks were stifled by local laws.
After her experience, Elaine decided to set up a dating app called , which carries out criminal background checks to make sure sexual offenders cannot use their site.
She thinks that rival apps could at least do the "bare minimum" or ensuring no profile is a fake ID.
She adds: "It wouldn't cost them much to verify names and ages."
How you can get help
Women's Aid has this advice for victims and their families:
- Always keep your phone nearby.
- Get in touch with charities for help, including the Women’s Aid live chat helpline and services such as SupportLine.
- If you are in danger, call 999.
- Familiarise yourself with the Silent Solution, reporting abuse without speaking down the phone, instead dialing “55”.
- Always keep some money on you, including change for a pay phone or bus fare.
- If you suspect your partner is about to attack you, try to go to a lower-risk area of the house – for example, where there is a way out and access to a telephone.
- Avoid the kitchen and garage, where there are likely to be knives or other weapons. Avoid rooms where you might become trapped, such as the bathroom, or where you might be shut into a cupboard or other small space.
If you are a victim of domestic abuse, SupportLine is open Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday from 6pm to 8pm on 01708 765200. The charity’s email support service is open weekdays and weekends during the crisis – [email protected].
Women’s Aid provides a - available weekdays from 8am-6pm and weekends 10am-6pm.
You can also call the freephone 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247.
'Tech companies need to do more'
Tinder tries to keep themselves at arms length from what goes on between its users.
Their disclaimer says: "You are solely responsible for your interactions with other members... Tinder makes no representations or warranties as to the conduct or compatibility of members."
But Rebecca Hitchen from End Violence Against Women Coalition thinks that Tinder and their rivals should be doing more.
She says: "Some perpetrators are using specific dating apps because of that increased level of anonymity they get through setting up their profiles. Perpetrators can often set up multiple profiles as well.
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“Tech companies need to be doing more. They need to be responding quickly and appropriately to any disclosures of incidents occurring."
Dating's Dangerous Secrets is on BBC Three on Thursday February 24 at 10pm or catch-up on BBC iPlayer.
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