Johnny Depp’s pals must tell him some hard truths: Sober up
JOHNNY DEPP seems to have been on one long “big night out” since his court showdown with ex-wife Amber Heard ended.
There was a lavish party with friends (including Kate Moss) in London’s Notting Hill (rumoured bill of circa £250k) before the verdict even came in and, since his victory, he’s been touring the UK alongside guitarist and friend Jeff Beck and popping up in various pubs and restaurants for an imbibing glass or three.
The latest sighting was at a curry house in Birmingham, where he reportedly ran up a £50k bill after cocktails and champagne for an entourage of around 20.
He sued Ms Heard for defamation because he wanted to “get my life back”.
But, if he’s referring to the excessive lifestyle revealed in court — of drink and drug binges that ended with groaning “like an animal” after passing out, smashing up his kitchen after a “mega-pint” of wine and recklessly spending money like it’s water, then perhaps it’s time for one of his many “friends” to step up and address what needs to be said by anyone who truly cares for him.
When you’re close to someone who needs help, it’s precarious to step in to the choppy waters of telling them the truth because it can result in you being cast out of the inner sanctum.
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Which, in celebrity circles, means no more basking in the glow of their fame and no more freeloading to numerous glamorous events.
But the price of your silence is a front row seat to watch them slowly self-destruct — and what sort of true friend does that?
Perhaps some of Johnny’s friends have already had the conversation with him and he’s ignored it.
In which case, I urge them to keep telling him the truth.
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Which is that, if he wants to make big movies again and live to see old age, he now needs to give the bar crawls a rest and check in somewhere for a period of reflection and recovery.
US President Joe Biden and wife Jill are fond of “fexting”.
Which I’m sure you’ll be relieved to hear means “fighting over text”, rather than in person.
Personally, I’m more of a “femailer” so, the next time The Bloke claims: “You never told me that”, I have evidence going back two decades in printable form.
Mum's Bee Gees party cheese
ACCORDING to former royal butler Paul Burrell, the contents of the Queen’s handbag include a monogrammed hanky, a powder compact, a lipstick, a bunch of keys to open her red boxes and a gold St Christopher given to her by her father
No actual marmalade sandwich then? You surprise me.
My mother is the same generation as Her Majesty and always has a “snack” tucked in her bag, usually a cheese roll made at home or smuggled out of a hotel buffet “for later”.
In fact, when I took her to the recording of An Audience With The Bee Gees in 1998, she retrieved one from her bag at the after-party because she didn’t like the “fancy food” on offer.
And it seems she wasn’t alone.
Having bonded with the Bee Gees’ mum Barbara over a shared love of the Isle of Man, they were huddled together in a corner – mum munching on her roll and Barbara biting in to the pork pie she’d brought along while her multi-millionaire sons rolled their eyes in mock despair. Delicious.
Italy 1, England’s Michael Owen 0
LET joy be unconfined – Love Island is back.
Among this year’s contestants is footballer Michael Owen’s daughter Gemma, whose nervous dad said it was “every father’s worst nightmare” but that he trusted her to behave herself.
Paired from the get-go with a chirpy chappy called Liam who she clearly doesn’t fancy, Gemma has so far been the model of restraint.
But uh-oh, what eez theez? Step forward late-comer and self-proclaimed “Italian stallion” Davide, who has sent all the women into a tailspin of temptation and, according to a drooling Gemma, is totally her type.
Worse, he “gort a teeeext” to say he has 24 hours to pick one of them for a date.
“Ooo will be the lucky swan?” he purred.
Despite the initially calm exterior, Michael Owen’s little feet must now be paddling like mad to keep him emotionally afloat.
A class act by ace Ben
THE profession of acting is dismissed by some as nothing more than reading out someone else’s words.
Yet Ben Whishaw’s narration of Paddington Bear proves once and for all that it’s anything but.
In untrained hands, the simple act of thanking Her Majesty for 70 years of dutiful reign might have come across as a throwaway remark.
But with his exquisite timing and mellifluous tone, Rada-trained Whishaw delivered the line: “And thank you . . . for everything”, with such exquisite timing and poignancy that it brought a tear to the most hardened of eyes.
It was an expertly light touch that easily carried the weight of a nation’s gratitude.
PRINCESS ANNE and daughter Zara Tindall happily represented the absent Queen at the Platinum Jubilee Derby on Saturday.
“The Queen will be watching on the TV,” said Zara. “She’ll just be sat on the sofa watching the TV in her comfy clothes.”
Which, given that Her Majesty is a stickler for standards, presumably means an elasticated tiara.
In 'top health'
ELTON JOHN was keen to reassure fans that he’s in “top health” after being pictured in a wheelchair at an airport in Germany.
Does this mean he’s one of those naughty people we’ve been warned about, who merely pretend to be disabled while travelling so they can skip the long queues?
Last glance saloon
CREDIT where it’s due, I thought Harry and Meghan handled his grandma’s “Platty Joobs” very well.
They turned up to show their respect, kept a low profile, then quietly returned to the US without fanfare.
But Harry’s face was riven with nervous apprehension as they walked to their seats in St Paul’s cathedral.
Probably because he knew all eyes would be on him and William as they sat rows apart.
They studiously avoided any public interaction with each other but, notably, while the rest of the congregation stared ahead, they both looked upwards at the same time.
Were they thinking of their mother Diana?
Or were they simply studying the ceiling mosaics that purportedly depict Darwin’s theory of evolution?
Either way, let’s hope it gave them both food for thought that life’s too short for petty squabbles.
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TINSIDE Lido in Devon played host to the world’s “largest gathering of mermaids” last week.
In other words, 388 swimmers wearing fancy dress outfits.
