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CLEMMIE MOODIE
DAWN FRENCH says one of the most famous scenes in TV led to her suffering a decade of crippling pain, dozens of injections and an operation.
And what did she do about it?
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Grinned, bore it and didn’t utter a word (until now).
The actress has revealed an attempt to recreate the classic Vicar Of Dibley scene, which saw her jump welly-first into a body-sized puddle, resulted in her having to use a cane and struggling to walk.
Speaking in a one-woman show, she claimed producers of the Paul O’Grady chat show asked her to recreate the moment.
Describing the idea as “catastrophically misguided”, she added: “They constructed a 10ft-high hill out of scaffolding covered in AstroTurf.
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"The idea was that there was a long enough drop for me to disappear into.
“Then some bright spark had the idea of having a shallow silicon membrane containing two inches of water on top so that, as I jumped through, the water would splash up and look like a deep puddle.
“I went 10ft down and right on to the two crash mats.
“One leg twisted very awkwardly underneath me and I landed very heavily.
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"I heard the worst twanging noise you could ever imagine.
“I knew I was in trouble but I completed the sketch.
“I clearly felt like I’d rather die than admit weakness.”
So what did Dawn do?
She drove home five hours to Cornwall, bought herself a walking stick and quietly got on with life as best she could.
What she didn’t do was call InjuryLawyers4U.com.
Nor did she sell her story to this newspaper, or (not) OK! magazine.
By her own admission, she hasn’t had “two working legs” since the accident, but on she has Trojan’d.
No money has been made, no compo claims sought.
We should all be more Dawn.
Instead, post-pandemic compensation culture continues to thrive.
Employees, from the comfort of their velvet sofas, are suing employers for internet costs (despite saving small fortunes on travel, child care and food bills).
PPI companies continue to try it on — no, I haven’t been involved in an accident that wasn’t my fault, thank you very much — and more and more people are trying their (intact) arm to make a quick buck.
No-win, no-fee lawyers are having a field day, and genuine, truly ill people who do need help, support and financial assistance are being denied it.
Those who are cripplingly ill are being stigmatised and judged.
Payouts by health boards have risen dramatically over the past few years — and that’s before the claims arising from Covid start filtering through.
A while back, “paralysed” Shean Saunders, from Yeovil, Somerset, who pocketed thousands of pounds in disability benefits, was secretly filmed playing rugby.
And in July, Rotherham woman Michelle Hanney — who claimed £30,000 in disability benefits — was caught out after being spotted on Facebook riding a horse.
Even Rod Stewart recently admitted he could no longer kick autographed footballs into the crowd during stadium performances after being hit by two lawsuits.
The list goes on. And on. And on.
What message does it give to tomorrow’s generation?
Twist an ankle, buy a Range Rover.
Obviously, in this day and age, we need measures in place to safeguard against ill-treatment in the workplace, and protect, at all costs, general wellbeing.
But compensation culture is a blight on Britain — it’s making us a nation of entitled, lily- livered wimps.
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UNMITIGATED fury in the Moodie household yesterday.
My mother – upon collecting her prescription from the doctor’s – was asked for her date of birth.
After replying 11/11/50, the woman responded: “Sorry, 15, or 50?”
Either she thought my mum was born in 1915 . . . or that she was seven years old.
DAN’S GREAT ESCAPE
YES, yes, he’s a Very. Bad. Man.
But, really – once we found out he “didn’t pose a threat to the wider public” – was there anyone in Britain not, secretly, rooting for escaped prisoner Daniel Khalife?
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As someone whose favourite film is The Great Escape (Notting Hill and Speed notwithstanding), I was riveted for all four days of this story.
As a tale of cunning derring-do – fashioning straps from bed linen! Escaping in chef’s whites!
Found clutching a Waitrose bag for life! – surely a film script beckons?
Plus, let’s face it, he’s no Jabba the Hutt.
Quite rightly, a long stretch behind bars beckons.
But surely, before we throw away the key, it’s ingenuity like this we should be tapping up for MI5 first.
WHO knew a carnation could be camp?
Turns out Kew Gardens has announced a new festival, Queer Nature – a celebration of LGBTQ fungi and plants.
The attraction says it is showcasing species “that challenge traditional expectations”, plus a cabaret where “mushroom performers will leave you questioning everything you thought you knew”.
So there we go.
KYLIE TAKE 2
HOW you know you’re getting old, Part 312.
Headlines over the weekend screeched: “Kylie and new love Timothee Chalamet passionately kiss at US Open” and my first thought, obviously, was “fair play, Kylie Minogue – tapping up a 27 year old”.
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Alas, no.
Kylie Jenner, not Minogue, is dating the Hollywood star du jour.
And, for Gen Z, Ms Jenner is the only Kylie.
BLAME BULLY OWNER
NO dog is born sociopathic. Sadly, some owners are.
Home Secretary Suella Braverman is calling for a ban of the American XL Bully breed after another rogue beast mauled an 11-year-old girl.
Undoubtedly these squat, muscled creatures can wreak havoc and take lives.
If a Pomeranian has a bad owner, you’re simply shaking off an irritating, yapping little fluff ball.
If an XL Bully has a bad one, you’re being torn apart by 50kg of sinew and muscle – and enduring a long, slow death.
But, as with any badly behaved pet, the problem here isn’t the dog – it’s those buying them.
We shouldn’t be wiping out entire breeds. We should be licensing, and policing, those who want them as a status symbol.
These animals aren’t being purchased as pets – they’re weapons.
Just as guns, knives and machetes are banned in this country, so should these accoutrements.
NOT sure about you, but all I’ve ever wanted is a partner who was born 7lb 8oz.
Yep, apparently opposites don’t attract – and a phenomenon called “assortative mating” sees us seeking out boyfriends/girlfriends who have “similar political leanings, religious attitudes, educational levels, IQ . . . and (er) similar weight at birth.”
FOLLOW MY LEAD
BIG day in Whitehall this Thursday: Westminster Dog of the Year Show.
Disconcertingly, as my friend cheerfully pointed out, two of the entrants are called Clemmie.
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Step forward MPs Peter Gibson and his jack russell Clemmie, and Ruth Edwards with her black lab, also Clemmie.
The two Clemmies face stiff competition from Jeremy Hunt (pooch: Poppy), Rosie Duffield (Paco), and Mims Davies (TJ).
In a case of life mirroring art, Rushcliffe MP Ruth’s Clemmie ‘writes’ on her entrant biog: “I have big eyes that I use to try and bully my humans into handing over their dinner, lunch, breakfast, cups of tea – anything really.”
True, true
KATE’S NOT LOOKING SMOKING HOT FOR ONCE
KATE MOSS is one of the planet’s most famous supermodels.
She’s also the boss of her own wellness brand, Cosmoss. launching the company by saying: “When I started to take care of myself, things began to change.” LOL.
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After taking up vaping – alongside 4.5million other Brits – she’s apparently back on the hard(er) stuff.
Kids, don’t smoke.
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